Eric Reads The News is a daily humor column which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity, shade, and schadenfreude.
Wyoming’s own Kanye West Zoom-bombed the news cycle this weekend by announcing that he was running for President of the Never-Quite-United-Per-Se States and also that he has an album coming out but that the two are definitely not related at all and are just coinciding because of a mixup in calendaring and a junior staffer in the scheduling office has been spoken sternly to about it. Yes, on top of ::gestures wildly about:: we now have to briefly contend with the ambient noise of a publicity stunt that is not serious but nevertheless dangerous, like a family game of Monopoly that devolves into angry recriminations and the ceremonial throwing of the board. Whatever happened to the good old days of album promotion where you got slimed on the Kid’s Choice Awards, you played some classroom instruments with The Roots, and you didn’t introduce geopolitical chaos? Kancel kulture do your thing! Kancel kulture do anything! Kancel kulture you’re on mute! Kancel kulture, check ya battery!
There’s not too much more to the story of Kanye’s announcement beyond what you can surmise from the headline. No, it is not really happening. Yes, we live in hell. No, it did not come before the filing deadline. No, there do not seem to be kampaign offices or a “staff” to speak of. Yes, the announcement was made on Twitter. No, despite all evidence to the contrary, that is not how things are done. Yes, I did learn that fact from Hamilton. Yes, despite an absence of any legitimacy, there is a slogan for this kampaign. Yes, I’ve already told you what the slogan is. Yes, the slogan is “Yes.” And yes, my answer remains “no thanks!”
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Kanye gave an interview that you can find if you really need to but to which I won’t bother linking in which he revealed his slogan “Yes.” (Which is, I guess, sort of similar to President Obama’s tagline, although it crucially lops off the “we can” part. Can we, Kanye? Curious. Much to consider!) He also made some very dangerous assertions about the efficacy of vaccines because, again, this is not news and it isn’t happening and we live in a simulation that is crashing aggressively. And, lastly, he gave a vision for his quixotic administration, saying that he would model it off of the kingdom of Wakanda, the fictional African country from the comic book series and movie Black Panther. And reader, it was the only damn thing he’s said that I’m giving any attention to.
I am not interested in the least in a Kanye West Presidential Publicity Stunt news cycle, but I am interested in having a national conversation about a form of government modeled after a political structure that elevates Angela Bassett to power. Why yes I would like Shuri to take over the Covid taskforce and also perhaps face-off against Elon Musk on Shark Tank just for fun. Normalize a world in which world leaders say “Hey Auntie” as they saunter into the Oval Office.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
It is deeply unclear what part of the very real nation of Wakanda Kanye wants to apply here in the highly unconvincing nation of the USA, but my most fervent hope is that he means we should implement transfers of power by having very hot people wrestle in a waterfall under the gaze of Lupita Nyong’o. Who needs an Inauguration Parade when you can have Winston Duke growling? This is an actual question I need you to ask yourself in your heart! Do you want to watch members of the Illuminati walk down a street in D.C. on a bitterly cold day or do you want Winston Duke to rearrange your molecular structure using only guttural sounds? The only borders are the limits of our imaginations!
To help get you going, here’s a picture of Winston Duke, hot, cradling the aged spirit of America like a wee little baby. THIS COULD BE U.S. BUT YOU’RE PLAYING!
Pictured: the husk of America clinging desperately to hot, tall Winston Duke for sustenance.
As we wade through yet another disinformation cycle let’s keep our eyes on the prize and focus on what is important. And by the prize I mean Winston Duke’s arms and by what is important I mean everything that Angela Bassett says or does. This is the America I believe in. And by America I mean Wakanda, a real place that I live in that is not here.
Источник: www.elle.com
