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True pleasure requires not only emotional openness, but also an understanding of the mechanics of the process. How do Kegel exercises help the brain recognize arousal? What positions provide maximum contact with the clitoris? Sexologist Olena Arkhipenko answers 5 burning questions about what really affects orgasm during penetration.
How important is penis size during penetration?
In theory, a penis length of 6 cm is enough to stimulate the entrance to the vagina. But the emotional coloring itself also plays a role. If a woman believes: “The bigger the penis, the more promising the sex will be,” and if she likes what she sees in front of her, it will work. Although I emphasize: the correlation between size and orgasm does not always exist.
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If we talk purely about anthropometry, then the width of the penis is important. It is this that gives a feeling of fullness in the area where the vagina is most sensitive. The only thing is that even a short penis will not be able to stimulate the cervix (although not all women like this type of stimulation). So everything is very individual.
Penetrating orgasm and squirting – is there a direct connection between them?
Squirting can be considered a type of orgasm, during which the secretion of the paraurethral glands is released. This secretion is viscous, oily, but not at all abundant. It forms only part of the fluid released during a squirt. All the rest is urine.
Squirting occurs when you actively stimulate the front wall of the uterus with your fingers or a toy. The secret is that the urethra (urinary canal) runs nearby. That is, it is actually stimulating the urethra through the uterine wall.
Whether every woman and every man is ready to have this experience is an open question. The only thing I would note is that you shouldn't strive to get a squirt “on an unexcited body,” and you definitely shouldn't abuse it.
In which positions is it easiest to achieve orgasm with penetration?
It is generally accepted that one of these is the position of the horsewoman. The TV series “Sex Education” popularized another one – “missionary” in the interpretation of the Coital Alignment Technique. It was proposed by the American psychotherapist Edward Eichel in the 1980s. It is often called the “position for vaginal orgasm”, although the secret of its success is in very intense and constant stimulation of the clitoris during penetration.
In fact, any penetration that provides additional external stimulation of the clitoris will work.
But recommending a specific position is pointless: everything is very individual, “you have to try it.” For example, will the standing position suit everyone? – Very few people like it: women try their best to keep their balance and grab the walls so as not to fall. Men have a hard time holding their partner's weight. Is the clitoris stimulated well? – Great. Is it about pleasure? – Hardly.
The same goes for the doggy position: the penis in it stimulates the front wall of the vagina nicely. But for many women, this position is painful or uncomfortable.
The most important thing is not to invent exotic positions, but to find your own and hone them for yourself: tilt, angle, depth of penetration, etc. All of this can heighten the sensations.
Do lubricants affect the intensity of sensations?
The main purpose of lubricants is to reduce the discomfort of friction and the microtraumas it causes. In addition, when the mucous membrane is sufficiently moisturized, the receptors work better, and we evaluate the process as more pleasant – accordingly, it is easier for the brain to focus on arousal.
But not everyone uses lubricants: there is still an opinion that one's own secretion should be quite enough. And if not, then the woman is not aroused enough and, in general, maybe cold. In fact, it's like skin types: some have dry skin, some have oily skin – these are individual characteristics. They are influenced by the stages of the hormonal cycle, age, mood and many other factors. So you shouldn't rely solely on your own lubrication.
Do Kegel exercises stimulate orgasm?
Kegel exercises (and other pelvic floor exercises) do not create orgasms on their own—and they do not guarantee that a woman will achieve one, especially if she has never had one before. So they are not a magic pill.
But they won't hurt, and here's why. Kegel exercises pump the muscles of the pelvic complex and stimulate blood flow. When blood rushes to the genitals, we almost automatically identify it as arousal – even if it happens during exercise.
So it's very common advice to do pelvic floor muscle exercises to stimulate arousal. But it's important not to overexert the muscles: they need to remain elastic so they don't spasm when contracting, otherwise penetration will become painful or impossible.