Everything we do in life, we do for a reason… I think it's hard to argue with that statement. And if we want to change or stop what we habitually do year after year, it makes sense to try to understand what, ultimately, we're about to give up…
And so that, in the context of our relationship with the body, our body agrees to the changes proposed by consciousness, let's try to determine what positive benefits excesses in the body give us.
I suggest you do an exercise to get an answer from your subconscious about the bonuses of your weight category.
Take 20 minutes to retire . Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and relax. Imagine yourself in front of a white screen. Now, on the screen, imagine a video: you—very large and as big as possible—enter a room where people have gathered for a party.
There are strangers all around you, chatting, eating, drinking, listening to music… What are you wearing? How do people react to you? How do you feel? How do you experience their reactions? What are you doing there? How do you communicate? Which place is most comfortable for you? The most uncomfortable?
Stay in this fantasy for a while…
Then return from this short film and project another film onto a blank white screen—the same party, everything—the people, the scenery—exactly the same, but you are as slim as possible, in your ideal weight category. What are you wearing? How do people react to you? How do you feel? How do you experience their reactions? What are you doing there? How do you communicate? Which place is most comfortable for you there? The most uncomfortable?
Stay in this fantasy for a while…
Now, get back to reality. Take a pen and paper and write down your impressions in as much detail as possible in two columns: “I'm big,” “I'm slim.” I'm sure the results will surprise many of you…
I suggest you familiarize yourself with the summarized results for this exercise – a sample of 25 people.
Bonuses of fullness:
1. The quality of communication (with whom and how) is preferable to quantity (how many people will pay attention to me).
2. More choice about who you communicate with.
3. In communication, my personal qualities come first: level of intelligence, education, charm, charisma.
4. “Authenticity, exclusivity” of the attention directed at me.
5. Protected from excessive male attention. Lack of a harsh, judgmental approach in communication: I attract attention primarily through my human content—men choose me primarily as a person. I am primarily attractive to emotionally and spiritually mature men, for whom my content is more important than my form.
6. Priority of grooming, elegance, and sophistication over flashiness and brightness.
7. Freedom from the worry that every bite you eat will ruin your appearance.
8. Less dependence on other people's opinions and attention than in the “slim version”—I am who I am, and I'm ready to face your negative attitudes toward me because I already know everything negative about myself. (It seems that the habit of rejecting, scolding, and devaluing oneself can be a safety net for communication… But when you truly love and believe in yourself, you can be more hurt by the negative reactions of others. This, in my opinion, is one of the roots of our resistance to self-love and praise.) Greater freedom to be in contact with “yourself.”
9. I am soft, slow, calm.
10. Freedom from competition for male attention with other women.
11. Loyalty to the mother’s “covenants”: being overweight is a hereditary way of protecting oneself from a world that threatens “my little one.”
Slimness bonuses:
1. The ability to avoid loneliness.
2. Quantitatively voluminous communication.
3. I am bright, active, sharp, fast.
4. I am the center of everyone's attention and admiration.
5. Attention is attracted mainly by my external form – men choose me, first of all, as a body.
6. The opportunity to dress boldly and provocatively.
7. In the context of relationships with food – the ability to strictly control yourself and “forbid” yourself.
Let's summarize this little study:
1. In any weight category, the most important thing is your attitude towards yourself and your body, your appearance, your grooming, and your ability to present yourself.
Here are some quotes from letters from those who participated in the survey:
“…having beautiful and tastefully chosen clothes would greatly enhance my self-control and self-esteem…”
“…I thought that even being as big as possible, I could look impressive: nice lingerie, a good hairstyle, proper makeup, high heels…”
2. Being plump = focusing on yourself, grounding yourself, calming down, being stable, avoiding fuss and chaos in your life. It seems that being plump helps many of us adopt introverted values. Being thin, for many, is an obvious excess of extroversion .
A brief overview of extroversion and introversion. Some individuals are more motivated and energized by their inner world, while others are more energized by their outer world; these are, respectively, introverts and extroverts (Jung's character typology).
Characterizing a typical extrovert, one can note their sociability and outward-looking personality, a wide circle of acquaintances, and a need for contacts. They act on the spur of the moment, are impulsive, quick-tempered, carefree, optimistic, good-natured, and cheerful. They prefer movement and action and have a tendency toward aggression. Feelings and emotions are not strictly controlled, and they are prone to risky behavior. They are often difficult to rely on.
The typical introvert is a quiet, shy person prone to introspection. They are reserved and distant from everyone except close friends. They plan and consider their actions in advance, are cautious of sudden impulses, take decisions seriously, and prefer order in everything. They control their emotions and are difficult to anger. They tend to be more pessimistic than optimistic and place a high value on moral standards.
3. Being complete helps you devote more attention and place more value on personal development, education, and inner growth, as it frees you from excessive communication. It also “insures” against communication trauma—see point 8.
4. Unconscious “links” with the status of a full body:
4.1. Full of body = filled with internal human content.
4.2. “Being physically full = the opposite of frivolity and frivolity” – this belief is most likely from my “mother’s inheritance” (that’s definitely where I got it from).
5. Overweight people fear loneliness. More so than “skinny” people. Why, I wonder? And are there any valuable resources in loneliness? What are they then?
6. Fussiness, chaos, lack of stability, as well as weight gain and excessive appetite, have one root: they are all essentially attempts to cope with excessive anxiety. When we struggle with excess weight, we are struggling with a consequence, the cause of which is our increased nervousness, vulnerability, and a sense of threat from the outside world. Anxiety contains a great deal of energy, which constantly needs to be channeled somehow—in actions, thoughts, increased appetite, or a narrowing of habitual thoughts (we think only about food, thereby avoiding the things that worry, frighten, or stress us in our relationship with life).
I hope you have received some interesting food for thought…