When it's better not to go to a guest. Even if they're expecting you

I have finally learned to appreciate that beautiful moment when a canceled meeting causes not disappointment, but relief. For some reason, we are accustomed to believing that you have to go to a party in any weather, even if you feel physically or mentally broken, informs Ukr.Media.

“I just have a runny nose”

You know that illusion that a slight cold is not a reason to cancel a meeting? We swallow some pill and stubbornly go “into the crowd”. But in reality, you sit with a red face, constantly blowing your nose, while the owners mentally move away from you. Especially if there are children in the house – then they are also simultaneously thinking about how to disinfect the apartment after the meeting.

Just stay home with tea and raspberries. Your friends will be sincerely grateful that you didn't bring them a fresh virus instead of cake.

I only have enough strength to blink my eyes.

There are weeks at work when all you want to do on the weekend is lie down and watch TV. If you drag your exhausted body out to a party in this state, the evening will turn into a second shift. You will have to “work” banally — force a smile and squeeze out words to keep the conversation going, even though you just want to remain silent. Take care of yourself. Adequate friends will normally accept the honest: “Listen, I’m so exhausted that I’m really afraid of falling asleep right at your table. Shall we move it?”.

Home thunderstorm

A classic of the genre. You're standing in the hallway, already wearing your shoes, and then a grand quarrel breaks out between you. Your mood plummets, but you go anyway, because “we agreed.” I once watched such a couple. Two people come in with stony faces, give each other these meaningful, scorching looks, or sit silently on their phones all evening. This sticky tension is instantly transmitted to everyone present. Honestly, it's better to cool off in your own walls than to spoil the holiday for other people.

You leave because “it's inconvenient to refuse”

If before leaving, you stand in front of the mirror and mentally pray that it will start raining, that the car will break down, or that your friends will suddenly cancel the meeting — this is the surest sign that you should not go anywhere. When a guest comes simply to “serve his punishment” and so that no one is offended, it is felt on the skin. There is no need to torture yourself or those who invited you.

“I'm literally only 15 minutes away!”

Now imagine the situation from the other side. The hostess has been kneading dough and baking a cake for half a day, the owner has been cleaning the apartment until it shines, they are waiting for a normal heart-to-heart talk. And then you fly in like a meteor. You quickly swallow hot tea, nervously look at your watch, because you still have to make it to the store and the post office. All this hysterical fuss simply devalues their efforts. You don't have time to sit quietly – it's better to meet another time.

How to refuse without offending anyone?

Over the years of canceled meetings, I have developed a very effective scheme for myself: refuse without long excuses, but with warmth. And most importantly, don't delay until the last minute. If you understand in the morning that you are not going anywhere, then write it down. You don't have to wait until the hosts start cutting salads.

Be honest and don't make up fantastic stories about a burst pipe. I usually tell it like it is: friends, I'm completely out of energy today; I really wanted to see you, but I'm no conversationalist today. And immediately offer an alternative. Something like: Let's meet next Saturday, I'm the most delicious dessert!

A good guest is someone who brings joy and good mood. And if all you can bring to someone else's home today is fatigue and sneezing, just remember that your favorite sofa is already waiting.

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⚡ Readers' Pulse

What's worse: canceling a meeting at the last minute or showing up with a stony face “just to show off”?

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